endings

A friend of mine at work doesn't want to hear about illness, and certainly not death. I see her facial features freeze when bad news hits the air and soon she walks away from the conversation.

It seems to me that if a child is led through the natural path of death from an early age, he/she will grow into its contours naturally and the capacity for absorbing tragedy increases with age. The shielded child facing death abruptly as an adult is at a great disadvantage.

I remember as a four-year-old when I was at the funeral of another 4 year-old friend from church, I truly thought that I would see the inside of his body and was just bracing myself for the horror! I kept asking my mother questions until she told me to just be quiet and watch and we would talk later. How relieved I was to see him just lying there in a silk-lined box, granted very pale, but just looking as though he was sleeping - no blood, gore or bones. And I saw all the tears and sorrow and I'm sure I had a thousand questions afterward that my mother answered as capably as she could.

But the path to understanding was being constructed, one block at a time. Once in a college essay I traced each death of my childhood and slowly examined the pattern of acceptance, turning each incident round and round, fleshing out the concept.

Later, my father's sudden death was the hardest. But how thankful I was to draw on the very first encounter of death rituals and walk the path of sorrow, ever adding to my own foundation of coping with loss.

Death is always hard, regardless of the preparation. But facing it squarely helps.

And so does that evening star shining brightly.